Week 11

I am working on getting back to my routine and schedule…blog posts included. And so I’m back to sharing my 52weeks project from 2010. I did a whole year of self-portraits and poems and I’m currently re-sharing with a fresh “two-years-later” perspective. Interested in seeing this from the beginning? Click HERE. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the photos, the poetry or even just what they make you feel. Please feel free to share.

I will remember today
years from now; someday
when the mists of the unknown
become the clear skies of tomorrow.
I am stronger than yesterday
more alive in some way
to break down to nothing but
salt-water stains
and start over again...
to renew the spirit within.

I think I am finally really living the “tomorrow” that I wrote about here. I have cleared away the mists of the unknown and taken control through gratitude, celebration and answered prayers. I used to live in tears and still cherish the cleansing power of them, but I am smiling so much more now. I almost can’t contain my joy. In 2011 I chose to “begin” on this journey, not quite sure where my life was leading, but through 2012 and the days leading up to right now I have found my “flourish”…I have found my true spirit within. I am appreciative of all I’ve been through, but I am not looking back anymore. Not wishing things could be how they used to be again because I am thriving in my current. I am so glad to have this space online where I can watch the journey unfold. Thank you, readers for being a part of it.

Week 9

one girl
one day
this scarf...
she feels a friendship
wrapped around her
from a far-away place
and there are no words to describe her thankfulness.
from this place of expanse
there comes a soft voice...
a whisper of belief,
someone telling her
there is power in her thoughts.
she will be brave,
she will seek peace,
and she will smile.

This poem and picture are dedicated to my dear online friend Dani. She made the scarf for me and I absolutely love it and wanted to do something a little different to say thanks to her. She is the soft voice that whispers from the “place of expanse”…the internet. It is amazing to me that even though we are so far apart physically, with the help of the internet, she has become one of my dearest friends. She encourages me to be brave. And two years later she still has the same effect on me. She trusts me as an artist and let me design her blog for her, which was a joy to do. She is someone that I can talk to and bounce anything off of and she will always be there to listen. We talked on the phone for the first time recently, and her voice was just as I imagined it would be…kind and soulful. I am glad to have Dani as a friend. And thankful for the reminders of her friendship that surround me: my scarf, my blue glass heart, her portrait above my computer, the page she made for me hanging on my wall, and all the emails we’ve shared through the years.

Do you have friends you’ve made online that you cherish?
How do you say thank you to your friends?
What’s the best way you’ve found to stay close?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week Eight

once upon her skin
now they lay upon mine
a delicate string of pearls
connect us through time

a deliberate consciousness
to savor our connection
her blood runs through my veins
i can see her in my reflection

an elusive creature
a woman i barely knew
was taken before memories
was taken too soon

one day we will meet again
grandmother and granddaughter
the foundation of our lives secure
never will it totter

This poem is about my mother’s mother, a grandmother I never got the chance to know… and the pearls I am wearing in the picture belonged to her. My mum shared a little more about her with me recently, and it turns out that I come by my lack of skills in the kitchen honestly! It made me feel so much better about myself knowing that she wasn’t the best cook either. Good thing I have Chris! This poem also means more for me now that I have lost my other grandmother too…my dad’s mum. In November it will be a year since she passed away. I think about her a lot, and how much of her I never got to know either. I miss her. But the Bible hope of resurrection that I wrote about in this poem holds even more meaning for me now, in both of their cases. I know that one day soon I will see them both again and get a chance to really know them. That hope sustains me through the sad days.

Have you lost someone you love?
Do you have mementos that remind you of them?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 7

to learn
and love
and laugh...
is to live.
-- still
I tread lightly over
sensitive subjects
and imagine in "what ifs"
it is not to be daring.
it is not to be brave.
it is to be.

The beginning line of this poem came from a song that I was singing in the performance of Razia’s Shadow that Chris and I were doing in 2010. Of all the songs and words from that musical those ones stuck with me, and still touch my heart. That is what life is all about: to learn and love and laugh. I wanted the portrait that accompanied this poem to have a bit of mystery to it…to have a slight ‘other-world’ feel to match the other world I was a part of at the theater. I wanted to reveal a bit of who I was becoming during that time, through acting on stage and rediscovering the artist within me. There will always be those who question or don’t understand the decisions you make in your life or the paths that you choose, and that’s where the part about treading lightly over sensitive subjects comes from. I have always had a hard time with trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. But when I took this picture I was figuring out what my expectations for my life were. Who I wanted to be. The path that I chose lead me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t trade the lessons learned for anything. I have learned. I have loved. And I have laughed.

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 6

These days are trying to eat me whole...
I find myself consumed~
by questions that have no answers
by tears that have no end
by life
& the things I cannot change.
These days
the only thing that brings relief
is to cry.
I always seem to breathe a little better afterward.

I remember the moment just before I took these images. I remember the phone call I had just hung up from. I remember the doubt and the fear and the hurt I felt. And, because self-portraiture was becoming my art, it felt like the most natural thing to step in front of the camera. That was part of healing, along with the tears. I think a lesson that I take away from this image is that it is alright to feel; that it is important to let myself feel. I still can hear the words said to me that caused these tears, and they still hurt if I think about them, but by feeling and crying and releasing I was able to move on. Its how I process. And then I forgive and then love. The only thing that I have control over is how I react. And there is nothing wrong with crying.

How do you deal with your emotional hurts?
Is crying a part of your process?
How do you move past things like this?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 5

happiness gets blurry sometimes
so I stop
take stock
and smile
for the gift of a scarf
the touch of warmth in the sun
and the life i hold in my hands.
happiness gets blurry sometimes
so I spin
and revel in my femininity
knowing this life is mine to enjoy.

This scarf was a gift from a friend of mine who bought it for me while she was in Turkey. It was an amazing feeling for someone to travel to a far-off land and think of me and bring me a gift. Its one of my favorite scarfs in my collection. I remember the day I took this picture so vividly…it was just warming up a little outside. Not too bad for a February afternoon. The ground was moist beneath my feet where the snow was melting. I stood out in my backyard for probably an hour taking portraits. Because of my project, I made time during my week to spend in front of the camera and those minutes I spent were really a treasure. I could take a break from the world around me and all the turmoil. I could breath and I could smile. I really miss having a reason to stop, to take a break and take a picture. But I’m so glad to have captured images like this and the other ones I took that day.

How do you feel about giving and receiving gifts?
Do you make time each week to be creative?
What have you learned about yourself from those times?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 4

a smile I used to hide behind,
now real...
a home I thought I'd never know,
now found...
a true love I used to dream about,
now mine...
so this is how contentment feels.

This poem is rather bittersweet to me, knowing what I know now…knowing how the rest of 2010 turned out. That “home” we found wasn’t the place we got to call our own, and I had to fake quite a few more smiles through some tough battles. But the truth that I have come to realize now looking back, is that “contentment” is something you are on the inside. It’s a way of living life. Its choosing to see and feel the good rather than to focus on the bad. And I am so glad that this blog has turned into a space where I can do that. Celebrate the everyday and inspire true contentment in others. Each day is a gift, and that alone is reason to smile for real.

Has what you’ve been through altered how you approach life?
Would you change how things turned out, or are you grateful for the lessons learned?
What does “contentment” mean to you?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 3

they say I'm a lot like you...
mother and daughter
our distinctive laugh
kind, sparkling eyes
how we see the world as artists
and cry at Hallmark commercials.
we share a love of writing and photography
and treasure our hope for the future
we dream and remember in detail
and like a clean kitchen before bed
we love fiercely and try to push away our hurts
we miss each other, talk every day
and love each other with our whole elbows.

they say I'm a lot like you...
I say "thanks."

This picture is really special to me. My mum has played a huge role in my life, especially in terms of my creativity and who I am as an artist. I wanted to do a little tribute to her in my project to show how similar we are, and how proud I am of that fact. She is a poet, a painter, a photographer, a scrapbooker before there was an industry for it, and I love that she infused her life and in turn, my life  with that atmosphere. She always encouraged my writing growing up. I still remember the first poem I ever wrote…she wrote the first line for me and away I went. I love that I am so much like her. We really do laugh the same and there is always plenty of laughter when we’re together. Sometimes when I catch my reflection out of the corner of my eye I think its her at first. I wanted to create an image of our faces side by side…to really capture our similarities in looks and in personality. I think she’s a pretty great woman, and I’m honored to be her daughter and to count her as a best friend.

What type of relationship do you have with your mum?
Do you think you’re similar or very different?
How is your mum an inspiration to you?

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

Week 2

it hurts
how dreary contests lie
sweet victory
what farce braves your coast this morn?
what say you?
to a half-lit room
& a cosmopolitan haze
(REJOICE)
we say -- then die
disturbed by half truths
& whole truths
that are no better --
what you've gained
will never fill the void
of what you've given up.
salty tears slide toward her all but silenced lips
as she watches hearts break
from the inside out & back again.
porch swings hang
in a loneliness i recognize all too well;
i am doubtful of my courage.
when walls
(& white picket fences)
we build
are somehow still not tall enough
to hold out hurt
its as if all we have left to do
is rest upon
our elbows.

This is probably one of my most favorite poems I’ve ever written. I can’t really go into the details of the situation behind the poem, but through the words I was able to capture exactly how I felt, and how I knew someone else was feeling. It is amazing to me looking back, how we are able to rise up from something so hurtful and so all-consuming. And that we can be better people for it. Through each trial we learn something new about ourselves and who we can rely on.

This image was my very first time playing with textures and combining images. It was something I’d seen done a lot on Flickr (where I spent the majority of my online time back in 2010) and wanted to try. I didn’t have any photo editing software back then and so creating this on picnik.com is quite an accomplishment. But that was a big part of my project too…learning new tricks and trying new things creatively. I love how this finished image turned out.

Wondering about this post? I am sharing my 52weeks project from 2010 each week on my blog and analyzing the image and the poem with fresh eyes two years later. Its like they say “hindsight is 20/20” and I’d love to share the insights I learned along the way. For an explanation of the project and to start at the beginning click HERE.

memories

I followed link after link after link today and found this really sweet and interesting blog called Hello, Moxie!  I've spent some time reading it and was pleasantly surprised by one of the posts containting this image and poem.  

I was immediately taken back to the 8th grade and a class where we all memorized this poem.  I loved it then and its still one of my favorites to this day.  

Thank you Rudyard Kipling and a random memory from Jr. High for making me smile today. 

Have you ever memorized anything like this before??  I'd love to hear about it. 

i could not waste this light

i took a walk today 
in the still of the cool autumn air
where the chill whispered its secrets to me 
and told me truth:
i am good enough. 
i am worthy.
i am brave. 
and for once
perhaps twice 
and most definitely a third time i believed. 

what enlightenment means to me

i am taking a little break from my blogging break to share another page with you from the ENLIGHTENMENT kit.  this theme was hard for me initially... but once i thought about what enlightenment means to me the ideas just started to flow. 
this page was inspired by my friends kelly and katie.  as the poem included on the page says, they really have opened my eyes to so many aspects of life.  they really are true friends.

thanks for taking a peek.
i should be back to regularily scheduled blogging sometime next week.  hopefully by monday all the huge decisions will be made and i'll get back to feeling a little normal.