music of my childhood

i just went to wal-mart.com and bought this cd. mary chapin carpenter..."state of the heart." my mom used to have the tape when i was a little girl and i used to sing all of the songs. my favorite ones are: this shirt and down in mary's land. i don't know what suddenly posessed me to buy the cd...but i can't wait for it to come.

today after service i'm supposed to take one of mom's pictures to our local frame shop "heatherdale's" to get new glass put in and a new frame. its dad's present for her for their anniversary. last year i took on of her favorite poster pictures down there and had it famed for him, too. he's very creative in his presents. i like that about him. the picture i'm taking there today is one that my mom took years ago of tulips in her old garden. she had it blown up and framed already, but the glass is broken now and the fame is pretty tattered. i hope that she likes it.

speaking of their anniversary...its on the 27th of January. i had such high hopes for this years since its their 10th anniversary. now it seems like we'll only be having a little dinner and presents with the freels. its their anniversary in january, too. that will be nice. i have managed to pull off one big surpise though: MICAH IS COMING DOWN TO VISIT!!! i'm so excited about it. its been almost a year since i've seen him, and longer for mom. micah told dad that he's coming down the last time he talked to him, but we'll be able to keep it a surprise. i can't wait!!

osoyoos

yeah....that's where i am. still don't know how i managed that one! :P my dad and connie and katrina decided to come down for a couple days and called me to see if i wanted to come and visit them. so they came and got me last nigt. katrina and i went swimming in the pool in our hotel. there is a waterslide and everything. she's such a little fish. i think she missed me and i missed her so much too. its been nice spending some time with them.

now its back to the moving life. this has been a nice little break. i'm rather anxious to move into the dewberry house. i've got all my stuff up in there and i'm missing it. we should be in soon.

unemployed....day 6

on monday morning my boss paige told me that i no longer have a job. she said that she has lots of bills and things and the easiest way to save money is to eliminate employee cost. i understand. and the strange thing is that a couple days after i got home from kelly's i kind of got the feeling that this was going to happen. so it wasn't a total shock in the moment itself...but once it sunk in i kind of had a melt-down. it feels like everything is falling apart in my life right now. i have no job, i have no home, i have no car, my best friend is in love...its amazing the emotional toll this is all taking on me. so i went yesterday and cleaned my stuff out of Page by Paige. it was hard on me...turning in my key. its strange cuz i feel almost unwelcome there now. and now on top of all of that, i have basically lost this month for service time. traveling, weather, moving...the days just slip right by me. i'm scared that if i fall behind that i won't have the energy to push forward again. i'm hoping that our CO visit in a couple of weeks will help me. i just need a new perspective and get focused again.

after i found out that i lost my job i had some really big desicions to make. the biggest one was if i was going to move to spokane right now or stay here for a few more months. on monday afternoon when i got home from service sister helen brim called me to talk to me about moving over there and becoming part of the ASL (sign language) group. she even gave me a couple different options of places that i could live over there. it was so amazing that she called when she did because i was so like: aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! and to know that i was wanted and needed over there really made me feel good. but my problem is transportation. i don't have a car yet, and now i don't have a job, and my parent's don't want to co-sign on a loan for me until after they find and buy a new house. so that is pretty much on hold. so after a lot of praying and talking to people like my parents, and other brothers and sisters, i have decided to stay here for a few more months rather than move to spokane right away. i know that the sign language group will be there for me when i'm ready, and its a great goal for me and i think that its what jehovah wants me to do. so i'm now searching for another job so that i can get things back on track.

in other news: kelly broke her wrist and kissed jeff for the first time. yay! (well, not on the whole broken wrist part :P ) i miss her so much already. we are going to be staying in my grandparent's other house until we find a new house to move into and so we've been taking stuff there the past couple days kind of getting it ready. my room is ready now: my elephants out and my pictures of kelly up. i'd feel at home anywhere as long as i have those! :)

oh yeah: the seahawks won!!!! yay! play offs baby!!

my body aches!!! today we took 4 HUGE truckloads of stuff to the two storage units we're renting until we find a new house. i am sooo tired! its amazing how many things you can acumulate, even after only 7 years in a house. we have 5 rocking chairs...i mean, who needs 5? other than my mother...... ;) but the 4 of us had a good day today. dad, mom, KJ and me. we worked hard and got a lot done. pretty impressive! so we only have a few more days left in our house. we're going to be renting grandma and grandpa's other house in omak until we can find and move into a new place of our own. i guess that's going to be cool. i'm just a little bit sad about leaving our place.

these are the pictures of kelly and her boyfriend jeff that i promised. how cute are they? i just luv these pictures. they make me smile and make me miss my kelly already!

Shelby

this is a song by Toby Lightman that i would like to dedicate to my lil' sister shelby. i miss you and love you, hun!

"The River"
When the roads are closed
Do you know where you should be?
When the lights are dim
Are you going to come crying to me?
'Cause you're sitting there
With your legs crossed
Looking so carefree...
Do you tihnk you can run away
From your so-called misery?

[Chorus:]

Cause you know the
Tide ain't rollin' in for you
The tide ain't rollin' in for me
Are you going to sink?
Are you going to swim?
Because I'll take you down to the river...
But you're going in.

Now the choice is yours
Are you in or are you going to back out?
Well this is your life baby
Are you going to take a look around?
'Cause you seem to think that all
Your chances will chase you down
I'm telling you to open up your eyes
And take those feet off the ground.

[Chorus]

Now the roads are closed
Do you know where you should be?
When the lights are dim
Are you going to come crying to me?

[Chorus]

remember all the good times and know that i'm always here for you. this is a recent picture of the three of us when shelby was here for a visit. i love this picture. :D

instructions for life

1. Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4. When you say "I love you"-mean it.
5. When you say "I'm sorry" look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Always remember where you came from.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any others.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines. 32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the Earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. 36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction. 40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

just something i got in a recent e-mail that i felt like sharing. i really liked it. :)

a week away

so i am now back in summerland after a week up north with kelly. it was SO great to see her. i'm so proud of her. she's living on her own now, working hard, and doing really well. her boyfriend, jeff, is just what she needs. he is nothing like what i had been expecting, but i think that is a good thing. she's maturing. i'll post some pictures later of jeff and kelly. i got some really cute ones. can't wait to scrapbook them.

i guess my mom has been mad packing while i've been away. i just talked to them and dad said that i probably won't recognize the house. i'm kinda scared about it...change frightens me. but i'm going to do my best to help out and be a support for my family. its strange, i've never felt so homesick before this moment...

well, that is all for now. i'll be heading home in the morning and then back to work on monday. it was so nice to have a break for awhile. i think i really needed it.

I've been playing!!

since i'm going to visit kelly tomorrow i really wanted to make her a present to bring with me. we just got these great little "make your own calendar" kits in at the store, so i thought that would be a great little present idea. so i got together some pictures of us through the years and did everything on the computer. i used friendship quotes through the whole book. i'm really pleased with how it turned out! :D

Changes

on saturday night my parents met with the guy who is buying our house and so now we have a date to be out of the place....Jan 3rd! that is in 4 weeks. i can't beleive it. so fast.... and since i'm going to kelly's this week i had to do as much organizing and packing as i could last night. its amazing how much stuff i have in my bedroom. i'm a compulsive saver. i still have a lot of my projects from elementary school. but i got pretty good at throwing things out. i still have way to much stuff. but its been fun going through everything. i kinda got really sad last night, though. i think it finally hit me that we're leaving our house. it didn't feel like home until i realized i had to leave it and that it wouldn't always be there for me to come back to. so yesterday was a hard day.

so today i have service and then work, and then after work my parents are picking me up to go house hunting. so we'll see how that goes. and i get my paycheck tonight!! :D :D its going to be a nice one since i've worked every day last week. well, that will cover the hours i'll miss when i'm at kelly's. i can't wait to see her!!

plans...

next week i am going to visit kelly in william's lake. i'm going to take the bus up there and stay for a week. i am sooooo excited. my mum thinks that i shouldn't go, but save my money. i know that she's probibly right, but if i don't go now its going to be a very long time untill i see her again. i can't go that long without seeing her...i just can't. so i'm going. its going to cost me over $100 just to get there, but its worth it to me. yay! i can't wait.

so today i'm going to get my hair done again. my dad say's i'm looking 'grey' cuz my blonde roots are showing. hehe. its amazing how fast my hair grows. i had it colored about 6 weeks ago and its already grown out almost an inch! so i'm just getting my roots done today so it looks good for my trip up north. i think next time i'm going to get some highlights and slowly work back to my blonde color. we'll see how it goes!

i called my friend salma in spokane a couple days ago to talk to her about moving to spokane and joining the ASL group. she seems so excited about it, which makes me feel good. she's going to help me try and find a place to live. she's got a couple ideas that she's going to work on for me. i'm getting really excited about it. i'm anxious to move there and get my new life started, but at the same time, i want to find excuses to put it off cuz i'm scared. aaaaahhhh....i hate this inner battle i always seem to have with myself. we'll see if salma can help me come up with something. having some plans will make it more real and give me something to work with. i just keep praying that i'll make the right decision.

{she

i've decided that i have the best friends in the whole world. they are inspiring and loving and comforting. i don't know what i would do without them.

• kelly she makes my world go 'round. there is something magical about her. maybe its our past and the memories we've made....or maybe its the prospect of future memeries, but we just have this special connection through it all. we've had good times and bad times and great times, but there is no one else i'd rather be imperfect with. i *heart* kelly. :) 123
• jenny she may be family, but we're friends by choice. we're the people you laugh at because we just spent the day together but get home and call each other and talk for another 2 hours. jen is who she is and i love her for that. "shut up...i'm fabulous!"...."i know, right?"
• dawn she's my nabraska sister and true spiritual companion. i hear her voice in my head like my conscience. she's sensible and gentle and fun to be around. she makes me be a better person because she beleives in me. i'm so grateful for her friendship.
• debbie she is my pioneer partner and self-proclaimed 'second mother.' i spend most of my time with her out in service every month. we've become so close. we rely on each other to stay positive and focused and happy. i know that i can talk to her about anything and she always has good scriptural advice for me. i just love talking with her and sharing my ministry with her.
• lory i met her at pioneer school in august and we quickly became buddies and laughing partners. we sat next to each other and hung out a lot. i beleive that we can balance each other out with advice and life experience and share things with each other. i've learned a lot from her....she's expanded my musical horizons and given me confidence in myself. she's the type of friend who will love me for me forever and that means so much to me.
• hannah she's a married woman now, so we don't really get to spend any time together any more, but we have our childhood memories together that will keep us close no matter what life brings. i hope that she knows how much i love her.
• jeana sometimes you can meet a person, have a blast and then not see each other or even be in contact for a long time but when you finally do meet again, its like no time has passed. that's what it was like with jeana. now that my dad lives in summerland we see each other a lot more and we have a special bond. that bond was tested and strengthened in our car accident last year. she's my specail girl.
• kaelah i met her the day of our car accident and i can't beleive how close we've become since then. we're both very 'touchy feely' people and i love that she'll hold my hand and hug me like she just knew i needed a hug. there is never a dull moment with this girl. i wish i could hug her right now! :)
• nick he is my best guy friend in the whole world. he is like my little brother. from the moment we met we just kinda "clicked" instantly. he makes me feel good it makes me smile to think about him. we have sooo much fun together and i've kind of been adopted into his family. his parents bob and tonya are so amazing! they all make me feel wanted and special. and nick loves jehovah. that means so much to me. i just love nick.
• ellesa she was the first friend i made when my dad moved to summerland. we went in service together that first day. from then we've shared so many small but special memories. like seeing the village together and buying matching mugs and pillows. i got her and her mom to start scrapbooking, so now we can share that too. :)

these are some of my special friends. i am who i am because of them.

Today I pray for...

the wisdom to recognize what is really important in life and the confidence and trust in Jehovah to pursue it.

"take exquisite delight in Jehovah and he will give you the requests of your heart." -Psa. 37:4

wisdomosity

"life is about the doing, not the done."

i got a card from my best friend Kelly last night and she started her letter with this quote. i think that this quote is the epitome of what we've learned through the years we've shared together. our friendship is one of the most beautiful things in my life.

i create because:

• i have artist in my blood
• its how i express myself
• it helps me to remember and rejoice in the little moments of life
• i can share those joys with others for years to come
• i love it
• i'm addicted to it :)

"Art is the only way to run away with out leaving home."

We are personally important to Jehovah

and we have to show jehovah that he is personally important to us. this was the subject of our talk today. what an amazing talk....and speaker. he was a young brother in his mid 20's from out of town. his way of speaking just blew me away! seriously. it was quite an emotional and moving talk. he spoke about the resurection hope that we have and it just gave me tingles....he put us in the paradise and walked us through the experience of seeing one of our loved ones again. it was amazing. there was not a dry eye in the whole kingdom hall. especially since we just lost one of our old faithful sisters late last night and we had all found out about it this morning before the meeting. so to say the least it was quite an emotional morning. then i got my new jan. 8th Awake! at the meeting and there is an experience in it that Dawn had told me about. i got my mom and read it to her. by the third paragraph we were both bawling! reading experiences like that just reinforce the fact that i have nothing to complain about. i am so blessed and need to put things back in perspective....this experience sure helped.

well, winter has arrived. i got snowed in this weekend and couldn't go to the party in canada like i had hoped. i HATE snow!! :( :( but knowing that winter is here reminds me that spring is that much closer!!

BIG NEWS: my family has sold our house!! wow. what a weekend. a single guy from the coast named kent has bought it. he seems like a great guy. he's a counsilor moved here for a job in the new behavioral health building. so now we have to find a new place to live. i'm debating what my plan is. i know i'm going to move to spokane, but now it seems like it might be a better idea not to wait, but just move there when my family moves into their new place. so i've got a lot to pray about. i've also got to pray about whether or not i'm going to buy the car that i want. i'm scared that if i don't buy it now it won't be there later....so i have some big decisions to make.

i get to scrapbook some tonight. i'm looking forward to it. its been nice getting back into that after not doing it for so long. so that's what i'm going to go do now. :D

"The nicest place in all the world is right beside a true friend."

that is why i wanted to post a couple pictures of me and my friends before i scrapbook them.

this is kaelah, jeana and i on saturday morning. arent' we cute?? i always have so much fun with these girls no matter what we do or how long its been since we've seen each other.

this is us at "our place" in Penticton. we were dancing up a storm on friday night in the sweetest little mexican place by the lake that had a dance floor. the music was great!! our favorite was "i will survive" in spanish! we are going to learn the words. we've decided that we're going to have our bachelorette parties there. that could get CRAZY!!

so i got 5 scrapbook pages done this morning. i'm so proud of myself. it was nice to just sit and scrapbook for a few hours. i worked on my most recent pictures from canada and an older one of my mom and I. i found the perfect quote for it too... "they say that i'm a lot like you...I say thanks." how cute is that? well, it fit the picture perfectly. i'm really pleased with all that i got done. i can't wait until i have another day to come in and just sit and scrap. its too bad that i don't have my own place at home to scrapbook. dad said mom and i could turn michael's old room into a craft room, but now the house is for sale, so it seems kind of pointless to decorate and 'move in.' so for now i just scrapbook at the store. which probably means that i spend more $$$ but that's alright. i feel comfortable here. :D

SCRAPBOOKING!!!!

so its 7:00 am and the store doesn't open for another 4 hours so i finally get to do some scrapbooking!!! it feels like forever since i've scrapbooked. so i'm uber-cited (def: super excited) !! i have great pictures from my week in canada that i can't wait to scrapbook! so off i go..... don't miss me while i'm gone ;)

"Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted."

so here is my conversation for today....

my sister shelby is home for a visit from georgia. i haven't seen her since i was 17. it is really nice to have her here, even though she is such a different person. she talks different and walks different...she has her nose pierced. but underneith it all she is just shelby. and i have missed her so terribly. it changes the dynamic between kelsey and i too, having another person in between us. maybe this week will bring us all even closer. i hope so.

this weekend is another party in CANADA!!! i'm hoping that hannah has the weekend off so that jen and i will have a way to get up there. jenny is sooooo excited about going. its a special place for the both of us with great memories. and i'm hoping that we can make some new ones. :D friday night is Light Up in summerland and Kinship is going to perform!!! yay! they are this group of scottish musicians who wear kilts and have an amazing show. i saw them for the first time in smithers at the fall fair when i was younger. i'm really looking forward to their show. i think that i can appriciate it even more now that i'm older. so i'm hoping that everything works out so we can go. *praying* :)

Got Quizzes??

I found this one recently and felt like filling it out tonight. Let's call it: "2 things"

2 names you go by 1. shai 2. shadylane
2 parts of your heritage1. german 2. english
2 things that scare you 1. ending up alone 2. marrying the wrong person
2 of your everyday essentials 1. prayer 2. my notebook
2 things you are wearing right now 1. warm socks 2. my SEI shirt
2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment) 1. postal service 2. antigone rising
2 favorite songs (at the moment) 1. "Longshot" by antigone rising 2. "Such Great Heights" by postal service
2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love) 1. similar spiritual goals 2. emotional stability
2 truths 1. real peace comes from Jehovah 2. life is sustained through our memories
2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex) 1. good teeth 2. soft hands
2 of your favorite hobbies 1. scrapbooking 2. writing poetry
2 things you want really badly 1. humility 2. true love
2 places you want to go on vacation 1. ireland 2. tahiti
2 things you want to do before you die 1. bring someone into the truth 2. publish my poetry
2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude/chick 1. i laugh a lot 2. i carry lipgloss around at all times
2 things you are thinking about now 1. service plans for tomorrow 2. Kelly

Antigone Rising

i have made a beautiful discovery. its now my new favorite CD. these are they lyrics to one of my favorite songs. its about loving a woman who doesn't need anyone. she's a survivor who lives on her own terms. i think the reason why i like this song in particular is because i wish i could be that person. i want to be strong and not need anyone, but have someone somewhere who needs me. i am amazed by these girls; the power in their music and the reality of their lyrics.

SHE'S NOT INNOCENT

He casts a shadow down the block
he can't remember
Just how to start or when to stopfight or defend her
He shines the light into the dark and empty corner
right where the past had left its mark
Too late to warn her.

Chorus:But she's fine
she's not innocent
She's fine in all her discontent
She knows it's always been the same.
It'll always be that way.

He holds the secret in his fist
a burning ember
To stay or go now that's the twist
hate or befriend her.

Chorus 2:But she's fine
she's not innocent
She's cool in all her discontent
She knows it's always been the same

She's fine
she's not ignorant
She knows there's no main event
She's fine
It's always been the same
(bridge)It'll always be thatway
It'll always be that way...be that way...
(repeat 1st half of chorus)She's fine
she don't give a damn
You don't have to understand
She knows it's always been the same
and she'll always be that way.

White Picket Fences

it hurts
how dreary contests lie
sweet victory
what farse braves your coast this morn?
what say you?
to a half-lit room
& a cosmopolitan haze
(REJOICE)
we say--then die
disturbedby half truths
& whole truths
that are no better--
what you've gained
will never fill the void
of what you gave up.
salty tears slide toward her all but silenced lips
as she watched hearts break
from the inside out & back again.
porch swings hang
in a loneliness i recognize all to well;
i'm doubtful of my courage.
when walls
(& white picket fences)
we build
are somehow still not tall enough
to hold out hurt
its as if all we have left to do
is rest upon
our elbows.

Canadian Living

i have a breif moment in my day and i was sitting here in Summerland on the dock by the lake thinking about all the things i love about my canada.

i love:

• white rice from my dad's rice cooker
• early morning fog over the lake
• driving the Bug from penticton to summerland ;)
• skinny dipping
• my 'girls'
• service with different people
• laughing for real again
• drinking legally :)
• walking the block in the cold of the night
• the big king size bed
• dancing

i have to go home again tomorrow, but i have my memories. my soul feels good this side of the border.

i think there is something beautiful about sitting down to type. i wish that i had more of an opportunity, but maybe with my own blog i'll have more incentive. :)
why does my life feel so crazy right now? i don't even have anything "BIG" going on. i feel so rushed. perhaps its just that today is monday. another monday.... today was nice though. i went in service and got to have my study with Jamie. she just makes me smile. :D and i think that she's really enjoying what she's learning. then i got to go to work. its amazing how much i love my job. i love the smell of the scrapbooking paper. i'm a nerd, i know, but i just love everything about this store...the people...the products....making samples...i'm very fortunate. hopefully Paige will be able to keep the store open. it would be such a loss to the community for this store to go.
i'm going to CANADA tonight. my dad is coming to pick me up. i'm really looking forward to spending some time with them. i haven't seen them since august, so its been awhile. i hope i have a nice visit.