Monday, May 20, 2013

A season of loneliness

I struggle with being the type of friend that I want to be… The type of friend that I used to be.


I used to be so good at keeping in touch with everyone. But it seems like that skill (or desire even) has altered or diminished with the increase of social networking and technology. I can see what’s going on when I check Facebook, so I don’t end up actually calling them to see how they are.

I used to be the queen of pen pals. Literally… like 32 pen pals that I would write to each and every month. I still have most of my letters saved in boxes. Those were the days…when I’d write about what I was learning in school or what me and my brothers and sisters were up to. I even had a newsletter that I would include with a handwritten letter to each person. I loved it. And I loved the connections that I had with all my friends all over the place. Friends from different places in Canada, friends I met in places I would travel to, family members that were friends too.

But now it feels like if I can remember to send a text message once a week, I’m doing good.

I am struggling with how life changes friendships, I guess. I miss being able to drop everything and drive for 10 hours up north to visit my best friend Kelly. I haven’t seen her for a year and half…I haven’t even met her son yet. And that makes me feel awful! But life changes things. I have 2 jobs, a house to take care of and its payment to make, a puppy and a husband. I’m involved with the Russian group here, and have people depending on me. I can’t afford to take days off of work to spend extra time with those I love, no matter how bad I want to.

I really do try… I swing by to see people and say hi if I’m in the area. I make coffee date plans with the best of intentions. And my friends are on my mind. I wish I could schedule more Skype dates and send emails and send real letters and go see them in person.

It’s a good thing I’m married to my best friend. I can keep in touch with him.

I am struggling with what my friendships look like as an adult. I expected them to stay the same, but life and the friendships it contains all have seasons. I suppose this is a season of self-made loneliness. I miss my friends.

This is something I’m struggling with right now.


Blog Every Day in May” challenge. Day 20: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.


  1. Shai, you are the best friend I have ever known, and what I mean by that is with everyone you are friends with you are the best out of all of them. The fact that you even think to write what you did means you are still the same friend you were to all of them before. Remember, all your friends are adults now to and understand how hard it is to stay really connected with all of life's challenges and it means we all appreciate it even more when we do get to talk. Love you.

  2. I feel ya. I get that way too. I realized there are only a few friends who you end up speaking too on a regular basis after awhile and regualar is like every 3 months. strange how much life changes

  3. A) 32 pen pals! That's a full time job! and B) I've never lived close to my best friends because we all met at summer camp, and at the end of each summer would go back to our respective home states. This made me a good "keep in touch-er" for my high school years, but once college came I got really lazy about it. Luckily my friends are forgiving, but I totally know how you feel. I want to do better, too! What I've learned is that a short phone call or email is all it takes to show someone you're thinking about them! -S