weekend of loss

this weekend was full of sad goodbyes and hard decisions.

i said goodbye to my dear friend Mathea.  her and her husband are moving back to the other side of the mountains.  i will miss her so much.

due to some circumstances beyond our control we had to find a new home for Spencer... hopefully just for a few months, but i miss him so bad already.  yes, he's a rambunctious puppy and he is shedding like crazy right now, but he's become a part of our lives.  hopefully he'll be able to come back to us before too long.

and then the last thing... i haven't really shared this with many because i have no answers to the questions that follow.  but here it is:  we did not get our house.  not because we didn't qualify, but because the property did not qualify for the loan.  we felt that it was just not meant to be...  we've been trying to make it work for over a year now, and after trying to push this square peg into a round hole for so long, we now know that it just isn't going to fit.

i think a good way to share how devistating this is to me emotionally is to show you my last page i created with the ENLIGHTENMENT kit.  keep in mind, these pages are created the month before they are shared, so when i made this page, we thought it was a done deal.

the journaling says:  this feels like home to me.  I never used to think i would find a place that would give me that feeling.  now im married to the most amazing man, and not only do i feel "at home" in his heart, but now we are buying this house and will make our home together.  some people never know this feeling.  i can't believe how blessed i am.  welcome home, Shaina. 

and now that feeling and this house has fallen through our hands.   i feel like a rug was pulled out from underneath me.  and i don't know what my next move is supposed to be.  we've started to look at other homes because we'll need to move out now that we aren't buying.  everything is unknown...

so its been a rough weekend. 
and these things are the reason i've been so quiet lately.  i just don't feel like myself right now...
but i know that eventually i will have a home with chris.  at least we have each other.