Thursday, August 06, 2009

it is august...

i've been contemplating this blog post for awhile... i go to sit down and type something, but then i think: "i can't do a blog post without a picture". thinking no one will read it then...
but when i first started this blog, it wasn't about others reading it. it was for me.

so here is another post for me.
not that you can't read it if you want.... :)

6 months.
it seems that is how long it takes my heart to heal.
i remember that night so vividly. the anxiety i had about it, the dread; and then the relief i felt from his forgiveness and understanding. and that was the beginning. he held my hand and stroked my head as i floundered my way through the tears and those long nights. we talked about what could happen, and how we'd handle it. i bravely let go of the control i had no right to assume. and it all worked out, really...
but i couldn't forgive myself.
that was my biggest hurdle.

and so went these last 6 months... doubting that i deserved the love and the forgiveness and the healing. and he stood by me ~ stayed by me all those nights i cried myself to sleep but couldn't put into words why. he hung on for this roller coaster of highs and lows. and i tried so hard to believe he really wanted to be there.

but the healing has begun.
and these last 6 months have been the best of our time together. those are his words exactly. we have become such a good team...truly "one flesh".
in spite of it all, i would not change the end result one bit.

i'm feeling stronger now. confident in the knowledge that i'm in good hands.
its time to let the past stay in the past. even though i'm still reminded of my mistakes 2 times a week, i know that too will pass.

a 6 month journey...
now i'm back home.
safe and sound.

"Forgetting the things behind and stretching forward to the things ahead" ~Phil 3:13


  1. oh honey! i wish i knew what had happened...but maybe we're not meant to know :) healing takes time, for sure. but the best part is definitely having someone there for you, to be there and to reassure you. you're lucky to have that, and i hope the healing continues. :)

  2. Wowwwwwwwwwwwww...that is truly beautiful!!!! :):):):):):):)

  3. Ah, these are the kinds of posts I know so well, lol.

    It's important I think, to be true. To be fair. To be brave and honest. And I think, even with blogging you say what you need to say, write the words that help you heal, without giving away everything, without saying too much, without putting others down, etc. You can do it with a certain style and a certain elegance, that gets the point across, gets the words down and yet stays private. Does that make sense?

    Because you did that here. And I love it. You are so brave and bold! It's awesome!

    I'm glad you're healing and the two of you are in such a good place, it always takes a lot of strength to get to a place like that.

  4. (((HUGS))) to you for whatever you've been going through!

  5. Lovely writing, Shaina. Glad to hear you're doing a bit better. Take care.

  6. you're right...its boring without a picture :P

    love you!!!!!

    - the micah

  7. Hey sweet girl. I love this post. That's what blogs are be able to be truly who you are and write what you want to write. :] I'm so glad you did. It's therapeutic posting something just for yourself. You'll continue to heal. :] Love ya girl!

    <3 B

  8. Hugs :)
    I am glad you have a place to write and SO glad things are ok :)

  9. thank you so much, all of you... for your kind heartfelt words.
    they mean so much to me.

  10. Shaina- WOW, I bet looking back on this entry after 3 years have gone by must have been crazy, especially since it seems it was a very therapeutic post to begin with. Aren't those the best kind? Whether anyone else gets entertained is of the least concern, only that you get it out there instead of all bottled up in your head. Thanks for sharing this (again).